Name: Clarissa Orozco
Birthdate: February 14
Age: 22
Born in the Bronx
Lost at 15
Found at 19
There's no greater feeling than looking back at your life and realizing how beautiful it all turned out. That on your hardest days you thought you weren't going to make it out but two years later, you recognize how strong you were and still are. We all have our stories to share and today I will be sharing mine in anticipation of showing hope. I'm aware that I will be judged and criticized for my past but I write with the freedom that the Lord has given me and my story is mine to own and to love and I hope you see yours the same.
"What are they doing?" was what I asked at the age of 13 while I sat at a Pentecostal church in the Bronx. My sister, Priscilla, was invited to a Sunday service and of course she dragged me along. "Why are people jumping?", "What are they saying?", "Who's this Jesus guy?", these were the questions swimming through my mind. I was raised in a Catholic household and I only went to church on Easter or when someone died (sadly). The only thing I knew about God was reciting the "Our Father" every night before bed with my mom. Besides that, life to me was what I made of it. Until I turned 15. My father packed up his bags and left. Leaving behind a wife, 4 children, and a brand new house to attend. Clarissa at 15 never saw that coming, I was daddy's little princess who lived in a perfect little bubble. I had everything I wanted, I would get anything I wanted, life was just that good. Until one day I realized my bubble wasn't big enough to fit a real life. Everyone at home handled my fathers abandonment in their own ways and so did I. I spent countless nights crying and crying wondering what I could have done better to keep my dad from leaving but it took me 5 years to listen to God's voice and understand that there was nothing I could've done to keep my dad around.
During that time again my sister was invited to another church and yep I was right by her hip on our way to church. Now, this time was different because I was a little older and my dad leaving left me with an emptiness and I knew I needed something. I decided to become a member and I got baptized at 16. Having to become familiar with the Christian lifestyle was difficult at such a young age. I would go to church on Friday's and Sunday's but during the week I was the same old Clarissa. As time passed, a dance ministry had began in church and I decided to be part of it. Dancing became my passion and it was my way to worship God. It was my outlet, my way of expression, and my breakthrough to freedom. But sadly I didn't have the character to hold my talent. Being lukewarm while in ministry had its consequences. I was caught in sin and I was placed on discipline. Now, Clarissa at 17 was prideful, stubborn, and ungrateful and I didn't get what was the big deal. Sitting from the sidelines during the services and watching how I couldn't dance affected me in a very large way and I decided to leave church.
Fast forward to 2011, I was 18 and graduating High School. I had applied to one school and one school alone and that school was Iona College. I had my mind set that I wanted to dorm and there were no ifs, ands or buts about it. Did I have a plan on how to pay for a $42,000 tuition, heck to the no! (i told God to take care of it, mind you, I wasn't even doing my part) but guess what I got accepted, packed up my bags and left. This was probably one of the best/worst decisions I could have possibly made. To my advantage I was placed in a single room and to help you picture it, it was as small as the length of a minivan and the width of a fridge (please take a minute to picture that). For the following year, that is where I lived on my OWN. I began to realize how alone I felt and how my decisions were affecting me emotionally and mentally. Being away from home and distancing myself from my family, no one knew what was happening. I found myself in a state of depression. I would either stay in my dorm sleeping all day, I wouldn't go to class, or I would hang out with friends. I lied to everyone and made them believe I was doing good and that all my work was getting done. Mind you I had spent the entire night crying out to God in my dorm room, with no strength to leave my room. Waking up to the same situation everyday led me to make poor decisions that now looking back I knew for a fact that God was protecting me throughout that entire year. As the end of the Spring semester came close, me, myself, and all my bags, appeared right back at home. I had withdrawn from 4 out of 5 of my classes and I had no money to pay to go back to school. It was as if God literally took me out of there by force. But if it weren't for that, I wouldn't be here at this moment and I wouldn't be the Clarissa I am today. Having to come back home I made the decision to go back to church. It was time for a change. Walking through those doors was one of the most terrifying, nervous, feelings ever. I knew people were going to look at me and think all these horrible things but the moment I entered each and every one of them welcomed me back home. With such a feeling of relief, I knew I had to start from scratch again and I knew what I was signing up for. But the pain and the tears I had shed in that little room was worth me surrendering all I had left in me. Since August of 2012, not once have I looked back. Now, I won't act as if it was the easiest thing because it wasn't. I had to sacrifice things and people that I thought I would never let go of but God had a plan and I was all for it. The Clarissa you see today is healed, restored, and transformed. Giving all the glory to God, I am the leader of the pantomime group in my church, I'm back in the dance ministry, and I am one of the youth leaders. Everything that happened all had its purpose. From my dad leaving, to leaving Iona, and everything in between, it all directed me to God. Today I stand proud of the work God has done in me and continues to do. He turned my ashes into beauty.
For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. - Titus 3:3-7
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